that's an acceptable place to lick
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
