Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
