Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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