I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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