you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
