so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
