dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
