oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
