so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
