i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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