so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
