I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Farmville is her only friend.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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