Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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