YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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