He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
