party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
