OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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