too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
