Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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