Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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