Sry I called you an 8
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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