Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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