the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize