dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
