Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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