Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
