She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
