We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
