I must be too annoying 4 u.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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