how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
