sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
