Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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