We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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