I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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