U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize