I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
