A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
