and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
