God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize