So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
