she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
