my phone needs a breathalizer
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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