I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
