i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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