I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
