imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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