Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm always down for nudity.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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