you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
