i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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