So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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