Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
