he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
