Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
