What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
