I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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