I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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