smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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