On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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