so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
