I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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