I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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