is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
