pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize