he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
