The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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