I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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