Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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