They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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