Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
