Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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