you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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