She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
sarcasm needs its own font
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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