i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
