Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
