I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
