I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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