nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
foreskin is a definite game changer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
