what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
