I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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