dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
