Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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