think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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