It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
