new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
