i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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