As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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