I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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